This morning was the exception. I was out for a reason. Peace & Tranquility entered my life this morning as I was hanging out with a new friend and having cocktails in the tranquility of the backyard. A hidden paradise in the center of Tulsa. While on my way home and arriving after 6am the sun was rising and it was a new day. Not knowing the morning had some news that was waiting for me. I found out a few hours later after my "post-cocktail" catnap that my Older brother Greg had died.
At that point I experienced the utmost version of TRUE SADNESS and I must say like a cocktail made by the wrong person at my favorite place on brookside in Tulsa it was not to my taste and I wanted to send it back. This case was I couldn't and was forced to drink. Forced to hear the news from my older sister Marlene who was with my Mom in the car as they were en route to Eureka springs, Arkansas.
My first reaction was "What?!"
After being almost 2 months of not speaking I knew Marlene's call was something that I did not want to hear. I have often assumed that she would be the bearer of bad news in regards to my father. I was braced & ready to hear that something bad had happened to him. As many cases in the past she was been the one that calmed me down during those "frantic" phone calls regarding whatever situation happened. Whether a stroke or a car wreck she was the messenger and while I don't know why Mother couldn't call, Marlene would and so this morning I thought..."Something happened to Dad"
I was totally UN-PREPARED for what I heard. Crying into a pillow wanting to scream was the next 10 minutes. I felt like an actress in a romantic movie losing one's love, but this not being a love, but a brother who I loved very much.
I have learned over the years, that I have a gift for expression. Whether it be when my best friend Kim & I are out @ Cosmo's Cafe in Brookside or one of our many hangouts...I have the gift for expressing the obvious and the not so obvious. Saying things that most people are only thinking.
Blogging has been a therapeutic guide over the years. Reviewing my blog moments ago tells me that I have been LUCKY as I don't see many posts regarding the intensity that I am feeling now. I have been untouched so far until now. I can only think of myself at first, I'm going to miss him and eventually as I process the emotions I will lend an ear to others and consider all comments on Facebook a god send. Thank you so much all my friends and associates on FB that have said something. Some knew Greg and most didn't. Most know me and know how he meant to me.
Emotionally blogging is my Therapist @ the moment. More to continue once I can see the screen to type.
-JJW
